Is Living Together Before Marriage a Sin?
The answer is yes.
There are a number of people who call themselves Christians and yet have fully convinced themselves it is okay to live together and not be married. There are a hundred reasons they will cite to justify their position. However, the bottom line is when we rationalize why something is right, when God has said it is wrong, we are playing the part of Eve in the garden of Eden by rationalizing why it was good to eat the apple. Rationalizing sin is repeated time after time both in the Bible and in our society today.
One of the big problems with the argument that cohabitation is not a sin is because the Bible doesn’t specifically say that it is a sin in language that most people will understand. In some cases, this will depend upon your translation and the terminology used. However, carefully reading scripture in context and comparatively with other scripture can lead us to no other conclusion than God does indeed say that living together unmarried is wrong. Just because the Bible does not explicitly say shacking up is a sin in those words doesn’t mean it is not, just as the Bible never explicitly says you can’t do crack cocaine but, hey, we all understand how that’s sinful, right? As believers, when we are confused with something that isn’t explicitly detailed in the Word, we are expected to find an answer to that dilemma through the examples of how Christ and other Believers of the Bible lived.
Here are just a few of the scriptures related to our subject. These are taken from the New King James translation, but I will also include the New International Version for comparison:
The Genesis account
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:21-24 (NKJV)
21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. ” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:21-24 (NIV)
6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Genesis 3:6 (NKJV)
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Genesis 3:6 (NIV)
**Both accounts of the creation story are the same regardless of translation. The thing to note is that when God formed Eve she was referred to as a woman, yet when they came together the scripture refers to her as his wife. Also in Genesis 3:6, Adam is referred to as her husband. The point I want to drive home in this biblical passage is that Eve is referred to as only Woman when she is first created. But once she is taken to Adam, she then becomes his wife. And only after she is called his wife does Adam mention sex—that is, they become one flesh. God brought Eve to Adam and married them right away. He didn’t allow them to burn with lust or risk falling into temptation. In fact, it isn’t until after Adam and Eve both sinned that Eve received her name in Genesis 3:20. Until then, she is simply Woman or Adam’s wife—not girlfriend, not roommate, not fiancé. The person Adam lived with was his wife. This is the example we are expected to live by.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NKJV)
9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NIV)
**Both accounts in 1 Corinthians 7:9 are the same. The scripture logically indicates that rather than burning with passion, one should marry. It does not say when you burn with passion then you should yield to passion outside of marriage. In fact, Paul directly instructs men and women to have sex with their spouses—not their girlfriends or boyfriends or fiancé. So, even though it is not explicitly said to abstain from premarital sex in this passage, we can still conclude from the implicit details, that sex outside of marriage—and even burning with passion—is an act of sin.
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)
4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
**In the scripture from Hebrews we see a difference in the translations. The NKJV uses the term fornicators and the NIV uses the phrase “all the sexually immoral”. I will speak more on this below, but typically we will see the word fornication used in the King James and New King James translations, whereas the others will group these into the term “sexually immoral” which in some cases include both fornication and adultery. Fornication is sex outside of marriage (unmarried people having sexual relations) and adultery is sexual activity outside of the marriage relationship.
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NKJV)
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NIV)
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NKJV)
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
**In the 3 scriptures above notice that the King James says to flee fornication and the NKJV and NIV say to flee sexual immorality. Is one right or wrong? Actually, they are all correct. You must remember the Bible was originally written in Hebrew and Greek—the Old Testament in Hebrew and the New Testament in Greek. Given that I Corinthians is in the New Testament, we would have to translate that sentence into Greek to properly understand it.
In Greek the word used in I Corinthians 6:18 is actually Porneia. It is defined as illicit sexual activity, sexual immorality, or, more specifically, sexual activity outside of marriage—which is the definition of fornication.
So, the NIV is actually correct in saying flee sexual immorality as much as the KJV is correct in saying flee fornication because the actual word used (porneia) includes both meanings.
9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)
9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV)
15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” 16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.” John 4:15-18 (NKJV)
15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” 16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:15-18 (NIV)
**This particular scripture in John is very interesting. First our Lord tells the woman about the living water that only He can offer. She then asks for some of this living water. Strange as it may seem, Jesus changes the subject and tells her to go call her husband and come back? When she responds that she has no husband, He then responds that she has had 5 husbands and the man you have now is not your husband. What? Why? It should be apparent that our Lord was pointing out her sin in living with a man and not being married to that man. It should also be apparent that He did this to bring repentance. In order to accept living water we must understand we are sinners in need of a Savior. Indeed, some will argue different meanings on this scripture, but I personally feel that what I have stated is consistent with common sense and the rest of scripture.
Here is John MacArthur’s commentary on this verse: 4:15 The woman, like Nicodemus (3:4), did not realize that Jesus was talking about her spiritual needs. Instead, in her mind, she wanted such water in order to avoid her frequent trips to Jacob’s well.
4:16 call your husband. Since the woman failed to understand the nature of the living water He offered (v. 15), Jesus abruptly turned the dialogue to focus sharply on her real spiritual need for conversion and cleansing from sin. His intimate knowledge of her morally depraved life not only indicated His supernatural ability, but also focused on her spiritual condition.
4:18 not your husband. She was living conjugally with a man who Jesus said was not her husband. By such an explicit statement, our Lord rejected the notion that when two people live together it constitutes marriage. Biblically, marriage is always restricted to a public, formal, official, and recognized covenant. John 4:15-18
So it makes sense to conclude that sex outside of marriage is sinful, but some will say “but what if we live together but we are not engaging in premarital sex?”
Making a conscious decision to live with your significant other before marriage means you are telling God that you are strong enough to resist the temptation of sex before marriage all on your own. That is sinful behavior.
How?
Remember I Corinthians 6:18? Flee fornication.
The Bible gives us very clear instructions in that verse; flee fornication—that means run! Get away from it! If you consciously decide to live with the one person you want to sleep with, you are not fleeing fornication.
When you decide to place yourself in a situation where fornication can easily occur, you are testing God.
“Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Matthew 4:7
To live with the one person who makes you burn with passion and then pray to God to lead you not into temptation, is testing God. It is the exact same thing as jumping off a cliff and expecting God to send angels to save you.
And here is one more verse to consider.
“I have the right to do anything, you say—but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything—but not everything is constructive.” I Corinthians 10:23-24 NIV
23 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. 24 Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being. 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 (NKJV)
Paul is talking to the Corinthians about whether or not it is sinful to eat food that was sacrificed to an idol. His response is that, sure, you can eat the food—you can eat whatever you want. But when you do eat food sacrificed to idols, what are you telling others? You can do anything, but not everything is beneficial.
When the Bible has told us we should not be guilty of fornication then why would we, as believers, want to do this? Why would you put yourself in a position to shame the Body of Christ and bring ridicule to the Church by living together? As Paul has said, don’t you know your body is not your own? You were bought at a price [I Corinthians 6:19-20].
We don’t get to do anything we want just because we can. We, as Believers, have a job to do here on this earth as we are Christ’s ambassadors. How are we honoring Christ by shacking up and not living in obedience to His Word? Does shacking up glorify Christ? It does not.
I will conclude with two more Bible verses.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them. Romans 1:28-32 (NKJV)
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:28-32 (KJV)
7 In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. Jude 1:7 (NIV)
7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. Jude 1:7 (NKJV)